Waiting game...while on bedrest.

A quick update for my "fans". :) As of Wednesday, April 21, I was put back on modified bedrest. My blood pressure skyrocketed over the past two weeks. So, the docs told me I could not return to work and I had to rest, with my feet up, as much as possible. They gave me two options 1) I could go home and rest immediately, or 2) I could go to the hospital and check in to have my blook pressure monitored. I, of course, chose the home option. The docs set me up for a follow up appointment on Thursday and said that there was a 99% chance I'd be headed to the hospital for delivery...preeclampsia. I asked if I could go back to work to "close up shop". They agreed I could, if I did it in a timely fashion. It was hard to shut everything down and hand everything off again, but I knew it was best for baby and me.

Many prayers were said overnight, across several states and of course God put His hand on me and brought my blood pressure down from 156/103 to 117/81 on Thursday. I've been good ever since. The doc asked if I wanted to schedule an induction so that I would be guaranteed an epidural. They wanted to schedule me at 37 weeks. I declined. Why induce (contractions are much, much harder) only to have an epidural. I decided to wait and let my body do what it needs to and take the pain (with the help of narcotics).

This week begins my 36th week - I can't believe it. There were so many ups and downs throughout this pregnancy and if I think about it, I can recall those fears I had back in week 24 or having a preemie. Anabelle was born at 36 weeks and 6 days. I wonder when this baby will be here? They checked to see if I was dilated last Thursday...that was a big mistake. I don't know what I was thinking. After indicated that I was dilated to a 1, the doc and nurse left the room and I began to bleed all over. I'm an idiot. I forgot to remind them of my sensitive cervical polyp. The bleeding ended by the next morning, but dang it! Every time I start to get my hemaglobin up a bit, I lose blood and down it drops, which forces me to take the nasty iron supplements. Fool, fool, fool. I know better now.

I haven't been sleeping well AT ALL...and I don't seem to remember this insomnia from the first pregnancy. I'm up at 2 a.m. every night now, unable to go back to sleep because of my achy body. I take a nap every day and it seems to help...but sadly, I'm still crabby. :) I do think that it's God's way of preparing me for little sleep in the future. I don't believe that it's any different from what other pregnant women experience (i.e. I'm not special).

I still have my biophysical ultrasounds twice a week to measure fluids, heart rate, breathing, and movement. Baby always passes its test quickly.

We've got pretty much everything ready to go for the delivery and return home. That takes a lot of stress off of me. Anabelle is all moved into her new "meadow" room. She loves it. The closets are organized, the baby clothes are washed and put in the drawers, a cupboard is cleaned out for formula, bottles are washed and ready to go. We feel much, much more settled.

Thanks, once again, for all of you who've said prayers for my family. It certainly works and I am so grateful.

I promise to update more frequently...really, I will. It's now just a waiting game. :)

Sarah

GOOOAAAALLLLLL!!!!!!

We have officially reached our 32-week goal! I can't believe how far we've come in whaf feels like a very short time. Now, my time on bedrest seems like a blur. Since I last blogged, I've had four biophysical ultrasounds, one growth ultrasound, and an OB consultation. All is progressing well! As of Thursday, April 1, my placenta has moved more than 3 cm away from my cervix, thereby eliminating the need for a c-section. My chances of experiencing another bleed have all but diminished. Baby is growing very well. He/she is currently in the 80th percentile for growth. I finally look pregnant. :) Although, and I am NOT bragging-just astonished, I still weigh 10 lbs. less than when I first became pregnant. Crazy.

The only thing of interest/concern right now is that I have hard contractions in the latter part of the day. My doctor said that it was a clear indication of my body telling me I've done too much that day. She told me to simply listen to my body and react appropriately. One day two weeks ago, I was in Home Depot with my mom and Anabelle. We'd only been there about 10 minutes but I ended up having to sit down and rest on some boxes off in a corner...it was either that or a riding lawn mower! :) So, I have good days and bad. On the bad days, I try to sit as much as possible (per doc's orders) and help my body get through the day. I've been doing rather well over the past few days so that's good.

The only other thing I've got floating in my thoughts is that I most likely will not be able to have an epidural during delivery. I have to be off of my Lovenox for 24 hours before they can give me one. So...if I go into labor or my water breaks, I'm screwed. If, by chance, I make it long enough for them to induce labor - I will be able to have an epidural. Chances are slim - so I've got to have the right mindset for doing this the "au naturale" way. HA!

Thanks for all of your continued prayers. I'll keep you posted on appointments and any new news.

Sarah

Ups and Downs

Hello everyone!

It's been some time since I last wrote. Since then, time has flown - but not without a few ups and downs. I went back to work on 3/1 - I only made it four hours before I was throwing up in the bathroom. I was also on the verge of tears from the moment I'd woken up. I think it was all due to anxiety. My job is great - I think it was just a new transition again. As the week went by, I got a little better each day.

Baby is doing wonderfully. He/she is growing at a great pace and movements are right on track. Of course it has very long legs and long arms. Go figure... :) Big Sister Anabelle keeps asking if she is a big sister yet. At night when we say our prayers, we have to say God Bless Big Sister...no more calling her Anabelle. She's very excited about the baby's arrival - so are we!!

Today is the beginning of my third week back to work and I'm back "in the groove" of things. A kind coworker brought in a cot for me - I set it up in the empty office beside me. I use it (per doctor's orders) when I need to lay in my side for 5 or 10 minutes to take the pressure off my cervix. Other than that, all is well at work.

I had one major bump in the road last week. On Sunday (3/7) I awoke to more bleeding. This time it was significantly less - but still worrisome. Bryon and I headed off to the U of M Riverside Medical Center. They admitted me for the day and I was discharged later that night. Thank goodness there were no orders for bedrest or any other restrictions. This time, the diagnosis was that the polyp bled.

I had my scheduled appointment on Monday (3/8). I had an abdominal ultrasound. I'd hoped my placenta moved up more, but it didn't. I was at .5 cm away from my cervix and now I'm at .6 cm. I have to reach 3 cm before they'll discontinue plans for a c-section. They also decided that I'd have to begin twice weekly biophysical ultrasounds. Hopefully they'll be a quick in and out appt. I don't have to see a doctor, they just have to quickly measure a couple of things (e.g. fluid levels, heart rate, etc.). Twice weekly is pretty tricky when Anabelle can't come with. I have to find someone to watch her for that short time on Thursdays and Fridays. But, I'm thankful that they are keeping such a close watch over me. The doctor also set up another appointment for me with the U of M Center for Bleeding and Clotting. They want me to meet with their specialist so he can become familiar with my case should we need him during or after delivery. Another specialist, another lengthy conversation about the complexities of my body. But again, I am extremely thankful to have this network of individuals who can help me. It just wears on me mentally sometimes.

We're busy getting the house ready for a new member. Bryon has a honey-do list a mile long. It's so nice outside though, I tend to put my duties off and go for a slow walk down the street and back. Anabelle decided we'd go bird watching yesterday - she brought along her Minnesota Bird Book. I still have much to do...I can really get going once my mom comes up to paint the mural in Anabelle's new room. She's got four walls to paint. Anabelle had decided she wants a mountainscape, a lake with a kid fishing, a forest, a meadow, and a rainbow somewhere in the mix. I don't envy my mom - that's quite a challenge. Once we move her into the new room, we'll be able to take all the baby stuff (crib, dresser, bouncy seat, car seats, swing, cradle, bottles, clothes, toys, books, more and more and more) out of storage and get them washed and in place.

It will all come together - even if it's not done in the time frame I'd like.

I start week 30 tomorrow...we're getting much closer and we couldn't be more thankful and excited.

I'll do my best to update my blog more regularly over the next two months. There will be much action....as always.

Goodbye Bedrest!!

Tooncey was my constant bedrest companion. She was THRILLED!!! I'll be sure to spend extra time snuggling her.

Here are a couple of photos of my dorm room. I had most everything I needed within arms reach or just a few steps away. Work area, microwave, fridge, multi-functional table, etc....

In the photo above, Anabelle insisted she was sick and had to stay in the hospital with me. :)

I can't believe I'm done with this scary episode. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it. I still don't understand why the hospital doctors (5-6 of them) all agreed that there would be no chance of resolution, that I would absolutely have to remain on bedrest for several months. Who knows...I guess I won't spend a lot of time thinking about it. Instead, I'll enjoy life from a different view - not just from my bedroom.

You are not going to believe this...THE PREVIA RESOLVED!!! What was once a complete previa (indicated on the ultrasound three weeks ago) is now a marginal/partial previa. That means that my placenta isn't even touching my cervix - it's moved up to .5 cm away from my cervix. So...my placenta moved over 2.5 cm in three weeks and still has a few weeks to continue moving "up". I still have the polyp but my new WONDERFUL doctor ensured me that it was the previa that bled and not the polyp and that I have nothing to worry about regarding the polyp. She told me that if my placenta continues to move up another 2 or 3 cm (which she is confident that it will), I will be able to have a typical delivery - no c-section...and here's the kicker - I will go full term and will only have to go in when I go into labor!! No scheduled early delivery! Fully developed baby on the way!! AND....I've been lifted off bedrest!!!!!!! She told me I could immediately resume my normal activities and after a week, I can contact my HR person and head back to work (March 1)!!! Unreal!! A complete 180 from what I was told. Now, I have to say that I did have a complete previa, which caused the hemmorhage, and would've been on bedrest anyway. So, I can't say that treatment up to this point has been wrong. It was just that the Abbott docs dictated what would definitely happen and gave me no hope of resolution. which is why I immediately transferred my care to others. Upon meeting my Dr. Yamamorah, she told me that she'd already spoke with Dr. Rose and they were planning to work together throughout the rest of my pregnancy. She also noted that she was Chief Resident at the time Anabelle was born and that she was involved in our delivery!! Bryon actually remembers her being in the room!! I, on the other hand, was a little preoccupied and didn't register any faces. :) So...it's actually someone who's dealt with me before. I'm just amazed. Dr. Yamamorah advised me to take it slow over the next week to regain the strength I've lost over the past weeks. I'll definitely do that - I'm not going to risk it. She said that I could have a bleed again but since the previa is resolved, it's highly unlikely but could still happen as my placenta continues to move up. I do have some restrictions, similar to any pregnant woman. I have lifting restrictions and have to take breaks as necessary. No straining of any kind allowed. I'll still be on alert but I'm so excited to be able to be up and around and downstairs and outside and to the hair salon and pedicure salon...I could go on and on.

THANK YOU to everyone who has offered prayers ,kind words, and encouragement; supplied the Madson house with items to make my bedrest easier; provided the Madson's with delicious food or gift cards; watched Anabelle; picked Anabelle up from daycare; etc., etc. I know I'm forgetting something...but honestly, I'm just looking around the room and deciding what I'll do next...because I can!!!

I will continue to post messages on here after major appointments to let you all know how we're progressing and after the long-awaited day when our new, fully-developed, little squirmy baby has joined our household.

God is good...very good.

Answers and a plan?

Finally! Tomorrow I have an ultrasound at 8:45 with a follow-up consultation. I've transferred my care to the U of M Maternal Fetal Medicine staff. I actually am scheduled to see one of three doctors my beloved Mayo doctor recommended. Dr. Yamamorah was a resident at Mayo and worked with Dr. Rose. I'm thrilled because I feel she will consult him with any questions she has and will keep him apprised of the situation - as will I. I would love to hear the words, "Your previa is resolved."

I'm driving myself. Bryon will meet me at the clinic (5 minutes away from his office) and will walk me in and park the car. He'll stay for the appt. and then get the car, help me walk out, and I can get home by myself....maybe taking the scenic route. :) I wonder how tired I'll be after my big adventure out into the real world? Not much effort involved in getting up to go to the bathroom....

I'd appreciate any prayers and good thoughts you can spare.

I will update my blog upon my return from my appointments.

Good people surround me

All has gone smoothly this past week. We continue to adjust day by day. TThe newness of it all has begun to wear off. Sure...I can see changes in all of us. Anabelle struggles with the random meltdown - which we rarely experienced before all this happened. Bryon falls asleep so hard at night that he snores loudly - which only happens when he's exhausted. I'm having difficulty with aches and soreness from laying all day and I'm not sleeping all that well at night. What can I expect though, I'm not burning off any energy during the day. But, as a whole, I'll speak for our entire family, we can't complain. I've had no further issues and baby movements are excellent.

I'm still working with the U of M to get my follow up appointment scheduled. I'll get my first whiff of fresh air since my ride home from the hospital two weeks ago. One question I plan on asking is that if a blood transfusion is anticipated, can I bank my own blood? I did some research and found that they let women bank their blood if their hemoglobin is 11 and on the rare occasion they let a level 10 bank. My level is 10. I mean, let's face it, I take a potent cocktail of meds each morning and night. While in the hospital, the nurses weren't allowed to touch one of my meds because it was labeled "hazardous". So, what would "clean" blood do to me during a transfusion? I need my toxic blood. And...yuck, I really don't want someone else's blood. Unless...Bryon and I are the same blood type. Think I could get him to pony up? He's not real keen about needles. I still remember when I was getting my epidural during the last delivery, he was supposed to sit in front of me and hold my hands as I leaned over on a tray. Instead, he turned green/gray and laid his head on the tray. I was giggling so hard that I was scolded because they were trying to carefully place a needle in my spine. His queasiness only led to a nurse following him with a rolling chair for the remainder of the delivery. She was behind him every moment. Ah....good times. :)

Bryon's mom - Jane, came up on Thursday night and stayed Friday. She worked sooooo hard to do the things around the house. She also spent hours just sitting with Anabelle doing every craft you can think of - fingerpainting, cutting, gluing, coloring, etc. Anabelle told me though that Grandma Jane "needs practice" to color as good as she can. :) I think the two of them had a really great time together and I truly appreciated all of her efforts. It's just really nice to have family around.

Of course I knew I'd forget somebody when thanking neighbors (a.k.a. my EP family) in my last email. I neglected to thank Linda for hauling over an extra bed and all the fixings for it. Again this week, several meals were delivered by my kind neighbors. Holly dropped off some chicken noodle soup too for lunch. My brother Brandon and his long-time friend Jeff stopped by. I had spoken with Jeff in years and he was full of good stories - very fun. Yesterday, Anabelle scored after the mail was delivered! She had a fun valentine package from Grandma Clocks (my mom - she started calling her Grandma Clocks because my mom has chiming clocks in her house which Anabelle just loved), she got a card from (follow me on this one) Bryon's high-school friend's mom, Iris Goodnature - she got her very own Pizza Hut gift card. :) She also had two boxes delivered from Amazon.com. We didn't know who sent them until she opened them. She received fun shrinkydinks and her own walkie-talkies! Very fun! They were from my coworker Shibani. How extremely kind and thoughtful of her! A very fun surprise. My aunt Kim was also extremely kind and generous to send us kind words and a gift card for our favorite takeout restaurant - Pei Wei's. It's Asian cuisine. Yum.

Plain and simple....people are so generous and thoughtful. When I get up and out of here (with a new, healthy, wiggly baby in my arms), I'm going to find a way to show my immense gratitude - besides words.

Sighs of Relief

We've reached the 25-week point! That's one more week behind us and one more week closer to our goal. Last week absolutely flew by, it being my first week at home. I'm having a bit of difficulty with remembering what happened during which week. It's all sort of jumbled. I think I need one of those big calendars on the wall so I can put a big red X through each day finished. Baby and I are doing well. That's one sigh of relief.

My room is looking good! Mom really helped figure out and set up some good additions in here. I now have most of what I need right within arms reach or reachable upon getting up for a bathroom break. This helps all of us feel that we can start to maintain, rather than catch up. Another sigh of relief.

My Mayo Dr. (Dr. Rose), called me last night. We spoke for about 25 minutes. I'd sent him a lengthy email detailing the results of my recent ultrasounds. They directly contradict the films he had in front of him from my January 5. We discussed, in detail, all of the questions I'd asked in my email. I got more information and comfort from him in 25 minutes than I did seeing seven doctors in eight days at Abbott. I'd also asked him if he personally knew and/or could recommend a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor up here. He works very closely with the U of M MFMs and gave me specific names. He then looked up their phone numbers and sent them to me. He also offered to do whatever was necessary to help me transfer my care to them. He offered to make phone calls and send them emails to their personal/home addresses. He also gave me some good pointers to expedite the process of getting all of my medical records to them so they can begin to piece together the puzzle. He also sent me four educational articles on the various symptoms which I am presenting. I also mentioned that Abbott planned on taking care of the endocervical polyp approximately 6-8 weeks after delivery. I told him that I would definitely have that taken care of at Mayo. He immediately offered to set that all up and take complete care of me upon me notifying of my delivery. Let me just say this....he is simply WONDERFUL!!!! And that, is a HUGE sigh of relief to finally have some answers and to know that he is there to help me throughout this pregnancy.

Lastly, I cannot say enough about my neighbors and their unbelievable kindness. These women (and men) make the most wonderful meals! They make it so easy for Bryon to come home after a busy day and dish up plates for us. No dishes to wash (remember - we were just about to install a dishwasher before this incident), and no big mess to clean up. That gives him time to give baths, tend to laundry, etc. before going to bed. Some of these fabulous women have even delivered me lunch too! Thank you Stacy, Julie, Diane, Laura, and Jane! Another big thank you goes to Melissa, Oksana, Stacy, and Julie who have jumped in to help with Anabelle and to also help grab a few groceries or various items needed (Valentine's). :) Many neighbors have stopped by or called or brought by treats too, thank you - we truly appreciate all of your kindness. That is also a sigh of relief.

Here's hoping time continues to fly by!

Getting situated

It is so nice having my mom here. I feel like Bryon feels less pressure to take care of 100% of the needs of this household, even if for a short time. My room was a bit chaotic because we'd just begun to construct a third bedroom when this all happened. We'd placed the items from the open loft in various places, including my room...which is now my sole living space. I'd piled loose pictures that needed to be put into photo albums, lamps, miscellaneous parts to toys, etc. These all came from our large computer desk that had storage drawers. We cut up that desk and purchased a new sleeker version with no storage space. So you can imagine my room was a bit cluttered. Mom listened intently as I directed her where to put all the "stuff" while Bryon was at work and Anabelle was napping. It feels and looks soooo much better now. I have a table and chairs in here now so that Bryon and Anabelle can comfortably join me for meals and people can actually visit without sitting on the edge of my bed or standing. I also have more work space for my computer and other stuff I need. We also put away several items that I know I won't be using for several months. It opened up space. Bryon, Anabelle, and my mom are out right now with a lengthy list to fill in the gaps. I need a dorm-style shelving unit in which I can put my work files, medical files, magazines, etc. I also need more sheets, pillows, pillow cases, egg crates for my mattress, a picnic kit (so Bryon doesn't have to set me up with the essentials each morning), and a bunch of other items. I'm just trying to become as independent as possible in here so that I can alleviate at least some of the stress.

My mom also cleaned my ceiling fan blades - now I don't have to stare daily at the plaster dust. :) It's so nice.

I was able to work quite a bit today while Anabelle and my mom went to Edinborough Park (Adventure Park - big climbing tree, jumping house, etc) and during her nap. I feel like I'm finally catching up! Yay! It feels refreshing to still be able to keep functioning in that capacity too. They had such a good time at the park. Anabelle NEEDED to get energy out. She simply won't leave my room much and those of you who know her understand that she literally runs 90% of her day.

Let me say again how thankful I am that my mom is here during this first weekend of adjustment.

Up in the air

Yesterday, when the OB nurse was here, she suggested that I prop some pillows under my butt for one hour mid-day so that it takes the pressure off of my cervix/placenta. I did it last night. It didn't feel good and I felt a little sick afterwards. I'll have to call my neighbor to see if she would suggest the same thing.

We have a very large window in our bedroom. It covers most of the wall. I'm so thankful to have that much natural light while I'm in here. And when it's nice enough...April or maybe even late March, I'll be able to open the windows and enjoy the fresh air. It'll be a funny site for the neighbors to see me sniffing out my window like a dog! Any day of the week they can drive by and, if I'm upright, they can see my little head in the window. I've been a bit annoyed when I hear something outside and can't twist to look at it, so as I was putting on some make up this morning, holding a hand mirror, I was able to see all that was going on in the street if I held it up. I keep it next to me now and grab it when I need to check something out. It certainly helps. It's the little things that make a difference these days.

I'll have to remember not to stick too many pillows under me so that the poor neighbors do not have to drive by and see my butt up in the air..... :)

I'm a delinquent blogger already...

I'm sorry! I should've been updating this blog over the past few days but honestly, it seems as though there aren't enough hours in the day! So here's my overdue update.

Thankfully, I was discharged on Monday afternoon. The ride home was a bit uncomfortable because of all the bumps and sharp curves (we had to go through a lengthy construction zone). I was amazed at how tired I was just after a little 20 minute car trip!

I'm at home now, snuggled in my bed/living space. Over the past few days I've been trying to balance resting, organizing (i.e. telling others what to do to help me organize), being a snuggly mom, and getting my work stuff settled. I am very conscious of the needs of my body though. I can certainly tell when I've been sitting up too long and now have discovered how long I can be in the shower (got dizzy this morning). My back is doing alright - adjusting to this bed again, but my neck is killing me because I have no support while sitting up. I can't wait for my bedlounge chair to arrive so that I'll have full support when I need to be sitting up at an angle. It should arrive soon.

The OB home team came today. They hooked me up to the monitor and I'm still contraction free and baby is thriving. The nurse decided that she'd recommend that I have my own monitoring system delivered so that I can monitor myself twice daily. That seems to give me some sort of comfort to see for myself that everything is stable. Plus, I can alert them quickly if I see something is off. They'll now be visiting once a week - since I'll be able to monitor by myself. I also am so blessed that my neighbor is an antepardom/labor and delivery nurse that is a stay-at-home mom for the past year.

My neighbors are trying out yummy recipes on us - which seems to remove some of the stress for Bryon (and ultimately me). He's still on overdrive...makes me worry. And there's not a thing I can do to help him - other than do what I can with words. Hopefully over the next few weeks things will sort of calm down and he won't feel so behind, he'll just have to maintain - which is enough in itself.

Anabelle seems to be adjusting well. Instead of running back and forth through the living and dining areas, she now just runs down the hallway and through my bedroom - of course pretending she is Grumpy and I'm Doc....and Daddy is either Snow White or Cinderella. :) I love it. She spends a lot of time snuggling with me and the look on her face when she gets home from daycare on Tuesday and Wednesday is precious. She grins from ear to ear and says, "I'm home!!" She's soooooo happy to see me waiting for her. I think Bry finds much relief in me doing her hair for school in the mornings. He really worked at it on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and he could never understand how I could do it so easily and why his attempts didn't turn out like mine. I'm glad I can at least do that.

My mom is coming up tomorrow to help out for a few days. As much as I sincerely appreciate everyone's help, I personally feel like when I ask her to get something or help out with something, I'm not asking a favor. This alleviates the guilt that one in my condition would naturally have. I'm trying to put myself in their shoes - of course I'd do anything without thinking twice. It's just a thought process I'll continue to work through.

Upon research, I've found that those typically in my position go through a series of emotions. Apparently I get to look forward to denial, shock, depression, sadness, and finally enjoyment as the end draws near. I've apologized in advance to Bryon of who I may become. I told him to focus on the end point where I'll return to my "old" self. I will return. :)

Eating in bed is g-r-o-s-s! Even though I eat on a tray, I feel like I'm sitting in a bed of crumbs and I can't get up and shake them off! :) I wasn't always the most pristine eater to begin with (often there was a slop spot on my shirt), and now I can't sit completely upright...I just keep getting more beautiful each day. Ha!

Confusing Messages

So, we are the rare couple who doesn't want to know what gender we're having. While at Mayo for our 20-week appointment, the tech slipped up and used the masculine pronoun after reviewing the pelvic area. Then, while at Southdale ER, the nurse slipped up and used the masculine pronoun again. But today while doing my daily monitoring, the RN said, "She's an active little one." So all bets are off for me - I really have no idea what we're having. :)

Secondly, I really dislike the doctors here. They've given me very little hope that I'll be able to stay home for very long. They all seem to think I'll be back in a couple of weeks. Is it incredibly rude to look them dead in their eyes and say, "I'll prove you wrong - so suck it!"?

Day Seven of Captivity

Hiccups. That's the word of the day for me. Two days ago I started having deep hiccups every few minutes. It's because I'm not upright much at all. This has caused me to have terrible indigestion and heart burn. It kept me up all night last night, which is annoying. They're working on helping me out, but I'm tired.

Other than that minor detail, all is well as I prepare for my departure tomorrow. If all goes well today, they will discharge me tomorrow sometime. It all depends on when the docs can get to me in the morning or if they have any emergency surgeries. Bryon is frantically trying to get our room ready for me to "live" in. Bryon and Melissa are plugging in a mini-fridge and microwave next to the bed. Last night I had to order my shower stool (must sit) and a bedlounge pillow that will give me the support I need to function while sitting up for short periods. I also ordered Anabelle some new shoes because she showed up to visit me yesterday wearing shoes that were two sizes too small. She just doesn't like the shoes she has that are the correct size - and they are sort of falling apart, poor selection by me. Never fear....I won't get addicted to ordering online. We just needed those items and Bryon won't have a chance to get out and shop for tennis shoes.

Earlier today, I started to think about going home and started to cry again. I thought I was all cried out - not a tear left. I was mistaken. It's going to be a major adjustment period all over again. While I'm here, I have no option but to stay in my room. I'm already feeling anxiety that I won't be able to be the mom, wife, friend, and coworker that I'm driven to be. I mean come on...I'm not supposed to bend down to pet the cat! It's for a short period of time - I get it, but none-the-less, it's going to be hard.

This blogging seems all too personal...

Looking at my toes - it's time for a pedicure....damn it.

The Prognosis

Due to the graphic nature of this post, I'll warn you in advance that this might be "too much information" for some of you. Feel no pressure to read it if you get queasy at all, and simply check in for later posts. To those of you who received my previous update email, I've added minor details/updates, but nothing to significant.

Some of you may or may not know that I am six months pregnant. I apologize to those of you who didn't know, it's just that Bry and I were having fun keeping it a secret because I didn't (and still don't) look a bit pregnant. We'd planned to just wait until it was obvious and then deliver shortly after. Unfortunately, we've run into some serious complications and I've landed in the hospital.

On Monday morning at 1:30 a.m., I was awakened by a significant gush of blood. It was only worsened by my blood-thinning medication, which essentially turned it into a watery consistency. Bry and I rushed to the ER, I'd lost quite a bit of blood. I liken it to a gunshot wound that I'd seen on TV, except my blood wasn't thick, it was like water.

While at Southdale Hospital, they ran a few tests and thankfully, the bleeding subsided. I can explain to any one of you individually but it's too graphic to post. Anyway, I was transferred to Abbott Northwest Hospital via ambulance. I've been on bedrest since arriving and will have to be on bedrest until delivery, most likely a combination of at the hospital and at home.

Our baby is doing extremely well! It's even doing a few things that are expected of babies that are 30 wks+. I am almost 24 weeks along in this pregnancy. I've had many conversations with this little one explaining how precious it is. and how we need to work together to make it through. I too feel well - no contractions, no cramping, and no further bleeding.

This is where it may get a bit complicated, but bear with me. I had a full ultrasound. The results showed that I have a complete placenta previa. I won't go into details, so you may have to google it. My placenta is only a slight bit onto my cervix - it is not a central previa which would cover my entire cervix. but they found something else....of course. They located a polyp in my cervix - that is vascular. I was unaware of this polyp and have no history of polyps. They believe that this is what caused the bleeding - that it ruptured on Monday and as it's a vein, it just pumped and pumped blood out until it decided to stop. It could open up again at a moment's notice. The doctors are giving me the strong impression that it will. I had no signs it was going to happen so essentially, I'm dealing with a ticking time bomb. The baby is snuggled perfectly in place and will likely not show any signs of distress, even if I do experience something similar to what occurred this week. If the polyp decideds to rupture again, they have the option of giving me a full blood transfusion.

Because of this combination of issues, I'm now at a major risk of delivering early. The doctors have been telling me that it's highly likely. They've mentioned on more than one occasion that the goal is to get to 32 weeks - when chances of survival are 100%. I have been given two shots that will stimulate the development of the baby's lungs. They've also started me on regular heparin, versus the low molecular weight heparin I was on. This allows them the opportunity to reverse the anti-coagulation in a short time frame. I was on the blood-thinning medication because of my history of pulmonary emboli. Some of you are unaware of that occurance as well. In a nutshell, you've seen the birth control commercials with the fine print, "may cause blood clots on rare occurences" - yeah...I'm that rare occurence. Birth control almost killled me four years ago, so you can imagine I've succeeded in pushing through a number of vasectomies. T

They've also determined that there is no chance of a "regular" delivery, it will be a c-section. As of now, I have to stay in the hospital for at least a few more days. If my body behaves, it sounds like I'll get to go home on Monday. The home obstectrics team will come to my house thee times a week to do monitoring and the good stuff. I will be sequestered in my room. I am allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and I can take the occasional shower. Other than that, I'm not allowed to do anything but bend my neck side to side, flex my feet, and bend my elbows...and type. I was sort of scolded the other day for sitting up too long. Needless to say, my butt hurts. :) Bryon and Anabelle are slowly starting to adjust, but as many of you know, Anabelle and I are pretty much attached at the hip. My poor little girl is very confused and misses me terribly and my wonderful husband now has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He is so strong though.

This is extremely emotionally difficult for all of us, but God has shown Himself to me in so many ways, I can't be upset. There are many of you who've jumped right in to help us during this extremely confusing, scary time and we sincerely appreciate it. The amount of generosity amazes me. Thank you.

I have a request, that you please pray and think positively for baby's continued growth and progress and that I avoid any further bleeding episodes that would endanger both of our lives. Think 32, 32, 32, 32 weeks (and more is a bonus!). And equally important, that Anabelle adjusts well and that Bryon takes one day at a time and stays strong.

Now, to lighten the mood... let me share a few trivial, superfcial items...

1. I ordered a hard-boiled egg for breakfast, they sent up a raw egg. Really, the kind you'd crack into a cake mix. Sick.
2. Thank you chemo therapy for turning my hair curly, it resembles a lovely bird's nest.
3. I was supposed to get my teeth cleaned this month, I have to delay at least four months...Eww
.4. I'm telling people that I'm really just on the show Survivor to test my true "natural beauty".
5. I asked the integrative medicine therapist who provides massage, acupuncture, etc., if she'd rub my butt.
6. Daytime TV is something else...I'm considering calling into some of these talk shows to explain basic common sense in elementary terms.
7. Just think of the expertise I'll gain on random theories and products during my endless days in a bed. I'll really be a know-it-all!
8. Last, but certainly not least, let's just all think about how long my hair will be in four-five months!! I envision looking just like those Geico cavemen on TV! :)

With love and much butt pain,
Sarah (and baby Madson)

Never thought I'd be blogging..

Then again, I never imagined I'd be in my current position either. I've created this blog for a few reasons: 1) to keep you all up to date of my condition. While I love getting all of your caring emails, I'm realizing that I'm spending too much time trying to catch up with responses and therefore am causing stress to my body - which is a no no. 2) As the days and months grow longer, I'll need to share my random thoughts with out driving any one of you insane...it is I who will slowly enter the realm of temporary insanity. I invite you all to watch my slow decent and enjoy, knowing that the end will come eventually and I will continue my life as planned and await the next experience that can onlybe found in the back pages of the medical books.